Wasted Love
by claireswan12
Summary: Emma Swan is a married actress. Her husband is Neal Cassidy and her children are Henry Cassidy and Justyne Cassidy. Her marriage with Neal is slowly falling apart as she falls in love with "devilishly handsome" Killian Jones. Will Emma pull it together with Neal or will she start all over with Killian?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Emma glanced at the clock. It was twelve pm and Regina was waiting for her progress. _Work, Emma you have to finish this!_ Emma concentrated and concentrated on reading her lines for the new hit TV series _Carry On and Stay Strong_. Her iPhone rang. It sounded like a harp. She ignored it and continued writing.

"Hey Emma, it's Killian! Ready to shoot tomorrow, great, it will be bloody fun!" Emma didn't even glance at her phone. She mumbled the script and drank cup after cup of coffee.

"Mom, Justyne keeps kicking me!" Henry yelled. Emma fumbled with her script but managed to set it down carefully on the desk. She got up and walked to her bedroom.

"Neal, Henry and Justyne are have trouble sleeping, help… please?" Emma asked. Neal groaned.

"They'll deal. Justyne is only five and is scared to sleep by herself, and Henry offered, being a great brother," Neal said

"Of course," Emma said sarcastically, "a fourteen-year-old boy wants to have is five year old sister sleeping in his bed." Neal grunted. Emma growled.

"_Neal_," Emma said. Neal sat up his hair wild. His eyes heavy as he tried to get out of bed.

"Emma, you're already awake!" Neal whined. His face was pinched with worry.

"Emma, please don't tell me you are still reading your script," Neal said his tone filled with, what regret?

"Neal, please!" Emma complained. Neal sat up and got out of bed and went to Henry's room. Emma went back to reading her scripts. She smelt burning coffee and went and poured herself another cup of coffee when she heard a knock. Emma got up and opened the door. It was Killian.

"What are you doing here?" Emma said.

"I prefer a hello first," Killian said. Emma sighed.

"Hello Killian," Emma said.

"I prefer hello devilishly handsome man," Killian said winking.

"I'm married," Emma replied dryly. _A dry, about to end, wasted love marriage_ she added mentally.

"Ah, the best ones are always taken," Killian said chewing gum.

"Can I crash your house, my ex is living at mine," Killian said. Emma scowled.

"Do you have any self respect?" Emma asked inviting him inside. Killian laughed.

"Self respect? Ha! Of course, I am the devilishly handsome Killian Jones!" Killian said. Emma felt alarmed when a hand rested on her shoulder.

"Neal, Neal Cassidy, and you are?" Neal said. Killian grinned foolishly.

"Ah, you're the husband!" Killian laughed.

"Yes, of course, and you are, who?" Neal asked again.

"Isn't Emma's last name Swan?" Killian avoided Neal's question.

"Dude, _who_ are you?" Neal asked the third time.

"I would expect you to bloody know, you arse you would know if you payed attention to your wife's career!" Killian said. Neal growled.

"An arse? Really well you can _bloody_ get out of my house," Neal said mockingly. Emma looked at her husband.

"He's my co-worker, he needs to stay the night," Emma said calmly. Neal was steaming with rage.

"This dude, no, no way," Neal said.

"Neal," Emma said softly, "it's my choice." Neal grunted and left the room. Emma sighed softly and looked into Killian's sharp blue eyes.

"Sorry, my husband can be… grumpy," Emma said trying not to get lost in Killian's eyes.

"You know we could just get away," Killian said honestly. Emma blushed furiously. "What?!"

"To the studio to practice, I'm just as bloody nervous as you are, Emma, love," Killian said.

"_Love_?" Emma asked her eyebrow raised.

"Relax, I call every woman _Love_ like I call all men _lads_. You're not the first woman who's noticed me you know, I can tell you like me," Killian said jokingly. Emma continued to blush despite herself.

"You know what, you're right, let's go practice, I need it anyway," Emma said. Killian smiled and winked. They walked over to his new Ferrari.

"Nice car," Emma commented. Killian grinned.

"They all say that," Killian teased. Emma choked out a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm one of _them_," Emma joked. Killian's smile faltered.

"I was just teasing _Love_," Killian said half-heartedly as he started the engine of his car.

By the time they got to the studio from Emma's house it was four am.

"The sun is _so_ bloody bright!" Killian cursed. Emma shrugged and grabbed her key and opened the studio. The set was perfect and newly painted.

"Great, we have the place to ourselves, let's get started," Emma said. Killian nodded and grabbed his script.

"Let's start at the part where Liam and Charlene go dancing," Killian suggested. Emma smiled and nodded.

"I had a hard time with that part," Emma admitted. Killian winked at her.

"Ok, action," Killian said. Emma walked up to Killian.

"Hello Mr. Liam Dutton," Emma said forcing herself to blush. Killian smiled.

"Lady Charlene Byrne," Killian said grabbing her hand swiftly, "care to dance?" Emma nodded and curtsied. They danced and he swept her off her feet. It was the most fun she had had in a while At the end he dipped her down. He leaned closer to her. She knew he knew that they were close enough to kiss. And they did. Clapping echoed in the studio.

"Perfect, congrats," said Cherry Wise, the producer and director of _Carry On and Stay Strong_. Emma saw Neal standing besides Cherry.

"Nice," he said coldly before he left the studio. Emma sighed.

"Why did you bring him Cherry?" Emma asked before dashing off to go find him.

"He is the writer of the script," Cherry said shrugging but Emma was already outside.

"Neal, wait!" Emma cried but it was too late. Neal was gone. And maybe for good.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Emma cried on the sidewalk. Great, this was great. That might have been the final draw.

"Hey," said Killian's English accented voice.

"Go away," Emma said wiping her tears away. Killian sighed.

"Emma, love, I'm sorry what just happened, I hope things won't be awkward," Killian said. Emma pursed her lips.

"It was when my _husband walked in on us kissing_," Emma spat. Killian laughed nervously.

"What can you say, the heart wants what it wants," Killian joked. Emma growled at him.

"Leave. Me. ALONE!" Emma cried. Killian disappeared. Leaving Emma to sit on her "arse" (as Killian would say) alone thinking about her choices. She felt like a little kid except Mary Margaret (her mom) wasn't there to scold her, then help make things better. The truth was that kiss with Killian was real, realer than any kiss she had ever shared with Neal in a long time, and she wanted to do it again. She choked on her sobs.

"We're shooting scene twenty-one in an hour, be ready," Cherry said raising her eyebrows. "Are you ok?" she added. Emma rolled her eyes.

"Be honest, do I look like crap?" Emma asked.

"Yes Emma," Cherry said.

"Then I feel like crap," Emma snapped.

"Fine, go sulk and apologize, if it gives you any consolation, Neal and I have kissed at least ten times," Cherry said. It took Emma a moment for Emma to register what Cherry said. She stood up and slapped Cherry.

"You b-" Emma said before Killian interrupted.

"Can we make it two hours I have to go on a date with Carly Davis," Killian said looking at his phone, "oh am I interrupting?" Emma dried her tears.

"I'm fine, Cherry, I vote for two hours," Emma said facing stunned Cherry.

"Um, sure," Cherry said weakly. Emma stomped off to find her yellow bug, but she realized she had come in Killian's car. Killian stood next to her. He was so tall and, yes, devilishly handsome, but Emma was still married and had two children. Her phone rang.

"Mom?" Henry's worried voice spoke through the phone. Emma sighed, great this is _just _what she needed.

"Hey kid," Emma said.

"Um, Dad's acting really mad, Justyne's really scared. I was wondering when you are going to come home…"

"Soon kid, very soon. Um, we might be moving to Tallahassee so start packing," Emma said, it wasn't a lie. Whenever Emma and Neal had problems they went to Tallahassee but this time they might be _moving_ to Tallahassee.

"Ok, Mom," Henry said. Emma let herself smile.

"Yeah, it will all fix itself- what as that?!" Emma asked as a crashing noise echoed through her phone.

"Dad, he's um knocking down all his awards, and yours," Henry said. "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" said Neal's angry voice.

"Holy crap!" Emma swore, it wasn't that dirty because Henry was listening.

"Go hide kid, I'll be home _very_ soon," Emma said. Killian just looked at Emma.

"Why would you want to be married to that guy?" Killian asked. Emma felt like she had just been slapped in the face.

"I love him," she said half-heartedly.

"Love, such a funny word, don't you agree?" Killian said like his question had a purpose.

"What about _our_ love on that set?" Killian asked. Emma faced him.

"Listen, it wasn't nothing, but it needs to be, that's why I'm moving," Emma said as calmly as she could.

"Is that so love?" Killian said through gritted teeth, "you think running away will fix everything?" Emma sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Maybe it can't fix _everything_ but it can fix my relationship with Neal," Emma hissed. Killian grinned.

"So you think the problem is that you live in Boston? That's why Neal doesn't bloody love you, ha!" Killian said smirking.

"MY. HUSBAND. FREAKING. LOVES. ME!" Emma screamed at Killian who looked stunned. The smirk had been wiped from his face.

"WE. HAVE. TWO. FREAKING. CHILDREN. HOW. FAR. HAVE. YOU. GOTTEN. IN. FREAKING. LIFE? DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN? AND. A. HUSBAND. WHO LOVES YOU? NNNNOOOO!" Emma screamed louder.

"Your right," Killian said a grin spreading across his face, "I'm into women." Emma felt anger bubble inside of her. She punched Killian in the chin.

"Go freaking make yourself scarce!" Emma said.

"Uh, love? Don't you need a ride?" Killian said a smirk enveloping his face. Emma growled.

"Yes, drive me to my house," Emma said looking at her feet, "and don't expect me to do anything for you in return, you've done enough!"

"Do you mean kissing you? Well I think you started it love, I'll take another kiss from you though," Killian said. Emma clenched her fist.

"Why are you _s0 _freaking annoying?" Emma asked as calmly ask she could. She sounded irritated which was, spot on, what she was feeling. Killian shrugged and got into his car.

"You know you could divorce him," Killian said as they arrived at her house. Emma sighed frustratedly. When she didn't reply Killian let out a small sigh.

"So this is goodbye," Killian said slowly. Emma tried to put on a brave face.

"Killian, thanks, for everything but this is my marriage, and I need to save it, for my children's sake and for mine," Emma said leaving. Killian stared after Emma.

"I know," he whispered.

When Emma finally found Neal he was sobbing in his, _their_ bed. Emma stood at the doorway to their bedroom.

"Neal?" Emma asked. Neal looked up at her.

"Why Emma? _Why_?" Neal sobbed. Emma let out a tiny sob. She began to cry. She remembered her mom, Mary Margaret Blanchard, used to say crying is memories leaking out of your eyes. It only made Emma cry harder until she thought of the memories she didn't want leaking away, so she would stop crying. This time, Emma kept crying. She didn't let out so much as a whimper, she just let the tears fall down her cheeks.

"You don't think I didn't see him drive you up here?" Neal asked. Emma shook her head.

"Neal," she said softly, "you think that was a big deal? It was acting. What about _you and Cherry_?" Neal coughed.

"Excuse me?" he asked incredulously. Emma couldn't help it, she tossed him a sly grin.

"You think I didn't know? You and Cherry… really?" Emma asked sitting on the bed. Neal looked away.

"Emma, are we going to try to stay together?" Neal asked. Emma sighed.

"I should hope so," Emma said. When Neal didn't reply Emma felt her breath get sucked from her lungs. She gasped.

"Emma, this isn't the first fight we've had…" Neal said.

"And most couples fight more than a hundred times," Emma said, her voice quivering. Neal looked out the window.

"It's raining, the earth is crying," Neal said. Emma looked out the window seeing the rain lazily slapping the house. Emma smiled.

"You used to say that all the time," Emma said softly. Neal muttered something.

"What?" Emma asked.

"Tallahassee," Neal said louder.

"Tallahassee," Emma agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week later Neal had found a house for them in Tallahassee. Now they were packing. Emma was making phone calls letting everybody know they were moving. She stared hard at her phone.

_Should I call Killian, should I not? _She debated with herself for twenty minutes before dialling Killian's number. It rung and rung but he didn't pick up.

"Hello it's Killian Jones leave it at the bloody _beep_," the voice said. Emma felt a tug at her shirt. Justyne was holding a cookie and had a small smile on her face.

"Could I take a break and eat this cookie?" she asked shyly.

"Yeah, sure sweetie," Emma said. Justyne scampered away as Henry walked over to Emma.

"Mom, are we really moving to Tallahassee," Henry asked. Emma looked at her son.

"You know, I understand what you are feeling, you must be so confused. It's like your parents are broken up and your life feels completely turned upside-down, but then we spend time together and you think you understand that your parents are done with each other, but a spark of hope still lingers every time we try to make things work," Emma said starting to realize why she was called Killian, "but, we decided to get divorced." Henry looked at Emma.

"Justyne, won't understand, so until she's a little older don't say anything, Neal- your father- will take Justyne, and Henry, we are staying here," Emma said. Henry looked blankly at Emma.

"Ok… Mom," Henry said slowly.

"Ok kid," Emma said. Henry smiled and walked away.

"So no Tallahassee?" Neal's voice said softly. Emma looked at Neal.

"I can't keep going like this, I kissed Killian, you kissed Cherry, we aren't meant to be Neal," Emma said softly looking at her feet.

"So that's it? We're just giving up?" Neal asked rage penetrating his voice. Emma sighed.

"It's not giving up, it's the solution to a problem we've had for a long time," Emma said. Neal's face became ashen.

"Ok, then you made me a deal, I take Justyne," Neal said. Emma looked up at him.

"Justyne needs a mom," Emma said.

"Any woman can be '_a mom_'," Neal sneered. Emma looked up at him.

"Any man could _replace_ a father like you," Emma hissed. Neal chuckled.

"I take Henry too, you are obviously unfit to be a mom," Neal said. Emma's face became a deathly white.

"No," she said. Neal smiled.

"You can barely take care of yourself, I'm taking the kids, good luck with your life Emma Swan," Neal said. He grabbed his suitcase.

"Henry, Justyne, it's time to go," Neal hollered. Henry and Justyne didn't look Emma in the eye. Henry ran to his mom.

"I won't leave you!" Henry cried. Justyne looked at Emma.

"Neal, don't," Emma said.

"Don't move all the way to Tallahassee? Sorry it's already done," Neal said tiredly. Emma swallowed.

"Mom?" asked Justyne's voice before she fell to the ground. She began to cough up blood.

"Call 911!" Emma yelled at Neal.

"Is Justyne ok?" Emma asked as the doctor approached Emma, Neal, and Henry.

"Yes, you could say she is doing well Ms. Swan, but she, Justyne has cancer."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Emma reapplied her makeup in the bathroom.

"EMMA SWAN?!" squealed a little voice. Emma turned around to see a teenage girl standing just feet away from the doorway of the bathroom.

"OMG, it's EMMA SWAN!" she squealed again.

"Um, hi. Well you obviously know who I am, who are you?" Emma asked.

"Your biggest fan, I love your show," the girl said.

"You know _Carry On and Stay Strong_?" Emma asked. She knew it was the newest hit but still, she had never met a fan before.

"Uh you mean the hit TV show about single mother Charlene Byrne who has three kids, Charlie, Anna, and Rianna who's looking for love but keeps getting cuts at work and has met the most handsome guy but he is married? Uh duh!" the girl blabbered.

"Yeah, sorry I've just never met a fan before," Emma admitted.

"Really?" the girl asked arching her left eyebrow.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't catch your name," Emma said.

"Oh, I'm Katy Miller," the girl said, "I'm auditioning for the little sister's role in _Why I'm Single_, but the Andrew Thicks, who was going to play the main character Emmett got a concussion so the whole cast is here."

"Oh so you got the role as Alexa?" Emma asked. Katy nodded. "Good for you!" Emma said. Katy smiled shyly.

"I'm just so happy, well I should probably go to the bathroom now," Katy said entering the first open stall she saw. Emma exited the hall and saw Neal chatting with the doctor. Henry's face was serious as he talked to Justyne but judging the his posture he was speaking softly and encouragingly.

"They don't need me right now," Emma said to herself and left the hospital. There was a restaurant directly across the hospital that looked good. She crossed the street and entered it.

"Hello and welcome to The Pinetree Restaurant," the greeter said. Emma smiled and sat down in a boot. Emma's only ever know Neal's love. The whole situation is just awkward. There are so many reasons Emma and Neal should break up, but he disappears and when he does it tortures Emma. She wakes up and his side of the bed is cold. When they would fight, she know he was right, but she didn't care. If they did break up, how would she recover. Their future together was just so unclear.

"The heart wants what the heart wants," Emma said quoting Killian. She rolled her eyes. _Killian_. What was she going to do. She ached to be with him. He seemed so much better than Neal, but Neal was her _husband _and the _father to her kids_. But her mind was already made up, she had to divorce him.

_You always have a choice Emma, just know this. _Mary Margaret's voice echoed in Emma's head. Her thoughts were interrupted by a waitress's voice.

"How may I help you today- OMG YOUR EMMA SWAN!" the waitress squealed.

"OMG, I'm Lindsay Dillon," the waitress said.

"Nice to meet you," Emma said pursing her lips.

"Yeah you too, anyway what would you like to order today?"

"A cheeseburger with lettuce, fries, and a coke," Emma said.

Emma blanked out after that. When she closed her eyes it was a nightmare, her whole life. The sun wasn't shining down on her today. The voices got louder in her head. Neal's voice mainly. It clouded her head.

"And a glass of wine," Emma added quickly.

"Of course," Lindsay said and left. Emma smiled down at the table.

How can Neal expect her to be perfect? She's only human. He's leaving her again. But he always shows up in the morning. _Always_. This time was different. Before this they seemed fine the next day. She hates to seem go but she loves watch him go, that means she won the fight, she won it. But the feeling didn't last long. She messed up this time. She always does something the make him made.

"Ah, look who the cat dragged in," Killian's voice said. Emma looked up. As Emma looked up at Killian, she knew what she felt was real. He's got the feeling that she wants to feel, love shouldn't hurt. But she barely knew him, how could she be in love with him?

"Hi," Emma said. It's in the way that he speaks, looks, loves, even, and she could see that that was real love.

"What are you doing here mate?" Killian asked softly.

"Justyne has cancer, I don't know which type but she does and I need to get the hell away from the hospital," Emma said bitterly.

"You know wine is not your friend at times like this," Killian joked pointing at her empty wine glass. She hadn't even remembered drinking it.

"Ha ha," Emma said in a steel like tone. Killian got the message. He slid into the booth.

"If you are moving to Tallahassee, well then bye, but if you're not, maybe we could go on a date," Killian said nervously. Emma laughed.

"You've got to be kidding me, I'm keeping my children and with the whole Justyne situation I wouldn't have much time, I just can't maybe in a year or two when things cool down," Emma said impatiently.

"A year or two?" Killian asked.

"A couple months?" Emma said.

"A couple of days is more like it, if you really like me you would make time for me, so I'll take that as a no, goodbye Love," Killian said sliding out of the booth.

"Killian wait," Emma begged. Killian stormed out of the restaurant. Emma stayed seated, maybe she didn't like him _enough_. And yet five minutes ago she was certain that he was the one. And yet reality struck her every time like an unplanned slap in the face.

"Emma what are you doing here?"

"Mom?"


End file.
